Deja Vu

Addisyn was exactly 8 week old when I wrote this post.  Matt had just bought a road bike to go with his mountain bike he had gotten just two weeks before.  I talked briefly about how his hobbies are his own, but as a mother my hobbies and interests really revolved around Addisyn.

Fast forward a few years...

Our youngest daughter, Elizabeth is 7 weeks 5 days old today.  Just two days younger than Addisyn was when I wrote the above-mentioned post, and today Matt brought home a fine, new road bike.  Again.  The bike he bought when Addisyn was a newborn he rode maybe a dozen times, and then sold as we didn't really live in a very bike-friendly area.  Now that we're back in Virginia we live in a much better area for road biking, and he is very excited to begin riding again.

As with the first time he bought bikes I am a little jealous that my hobbies and interests aren't just about me anymore.  Last year I taught myself how to knit by watching videos on YouTube.  I enjoy it, but it really has been more about making things for the kids than anything else.  My birthday is coming up next month, and Matt just asked what I would like to have; my top choice is a second woven wrap for carrying Elizabeth so that I am not without when the one that I currently have needs to be washed.

I long to start something that's all about me, but now isn't the time for me to start something that takes me away from my young children who need me here.  Our children will be grown in the blink of an eye, and I will have my whole life to have hobbies and activities once they are older.  Right now I would regret being absent from them more than I would enjoy something like road biking, and I know it.  My life is about them right now, not about me, and that's how I feel it should be.  I still do things for me, but only when I can include them or have them with me, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but it is difficult to watch people around me whose lives are more about themselves than mine will be for a while.