Breastfeeding Rights Violations

Every state in our great nation, with the exception of West Virginia, has some sort of law that protects a mother's right to breastfeed her child.  Texas law states that "a mother is entitled to breastfeed her baby in any location in which the mother is authorized to be."  Most other states specifically exempt breastfeeding mothers from indecent exposure laws, and some even go as far as to say that it is legal for her nipple to be in plain sight.  Under these laws it is illegal for a nursing mother to be asked to leave a location or asked to move to a "more appropriate" place.  Despite the laws, this still happens.  Frequently.

A few weeks ago a mother was nursing her baby in the Gregory's store at the Northpark Center mall in Dallas when an employee asked her to move to a "more appropriate" place to nurse her child.  As is common with this sort of experience, the mother spoke with other breastfeeding mothers in the area about her experience.  Many times a "nurse-in" (taken from the "sit-in" form of protesting) will be organized at a location that violates a breastfeeding mother's rights like this.  During a nurse-in many breastfeeding mothers congregate at the locale that has infringed on another breastfeeding mother's rights and nurse their babies.  It is meant to draw attention to the rights of nursing women everywhere, and to help normalize nursing in public.

Instead of staging a full blown nurse-in at Gregory's, local mothers decided to scale it down a bit.  22 breastfeeding mothers met at Northpark Center and entered the Gregory's store in small groups of 3-5 at a time where they looked around while nursing their babies.  Everything was done very discreetly, very peacefully.  As the third group entered the store an employee stepped in front of them, her arms stretched to the sides, and told them they couldn't come in that "there were too many people in the store".  Then the story changed to they "were closing early".  They closed one of the stores two large glass doors, but customers continued to come and go for more than an hour later.  The Gregory's employees were smart in never mentioning that more mothers were not allowed to enter because of breastfeeding, though it was obvious that this was the reason.

I didn't attend the event, but have been following the story closely.  It is sad to me that something like this, is not tolerated in this particular store:

But, Gregory's proudly displays and sells these rather hideous, inappropriate, "F**k You" boots.  Only $1495.00 for anyone who is interested!

My Breastfeeding Disclaimer

I talk a lot about breastfeeding in my blog, and end up posting many comments and articles on my Facebook page.  I know that everyone is pretty well aware of my stance on breastfeeding as far as Addisyn and I are concerned, but I wanted to discuss what I feel my place is in the bigger picture...

First, the roles of breastfeeding advocacy in my mind:
1) To get accurate information out there, and to quell breastfeeding myths, so that women can truly make an informed feeding decision for themselves and their babies.
2) To help and support women who choose to breastfeed.
3) To work towards the normalization of breastfeeding in our society.
4) To increase awareness of laws supporting breastfeeding mothers.

For me, breastfeeding advocacy is not meant to actually convince a woman to breastfeed.  Rather its goal is to create a breastfeeding-friendly environment across our society where women can feel comfortable nursing their babies whenever and wherever their babies need to nurse.  When I was pregnant and researching the pros and cons of breastfeeding versus formula feeding it was the information I found that convinced me that breastfeeding was the only choice for us.  A few friends spoke to me about the benefits of breastfeeding, but I had already made up my mind at that point.  In my honest opinion the studies and statistics speak for themselves, there is no need for me or anyone else to try to convince anyone of anything.

I do enjoy talking about, reading about, and hearing about breastfeeding because it has been such a big part of my life since Addisyn was born.  I just find it interesting.  That being said, I make it a point not to bring up the subject in conversation with others, though I am happy to discuss it if it has been brought up by someone else, though I am guilty of bringing it up with a few family members - mostly when discussing breastfeeding or birth books I've read.  I don't give people breastfeeding help or suggestions unless asked.  I don't think any less of someone's parenting decisions if they choose not to breastfeed, it's just what was right for Addisyn, for me, and for our situation.

Breastfeeding Pictures

One thing I wish I had more of?  Breastfeeding pictures.  This may sound strange to anyone who has never breastfed.  Heck, even my husband rolls his eyes and acts like I'm crazy when I ask him to take a picture for me (that has happened all of three times).  Kids grow up too fast, and to keep those memories fresh we all want pictures of them as sweet, sleeping newborns.  Of toothless grins.  Of those messy, early baby food days.  And for breastfeeding mothers: breastfeeding pictures.  I recently heard on the radio that we remember people as they were the last time we saw them, and since I see Addisyn every day I have no recollection of how she looked when she nursed as a tiny newborn.  I can remember that she fell asleep every time and that I'd have to do all kinds of crazy things to wake her up so we could switch sides.  I can remember that breastfeeding hurt for the first several weeks.  But I cannot remember what she looked like, so tiny, snuggled up against me.  Without pictures, in a year I won't remember what she looks like now. This is the closest photo I have of her nursing as a newborn:

This is the first nursing picture I ever had my husband take for me.  How immodest of me!

And then I got my iPhone... :)

(Wow, I forgot that she used to have a little chunkiness!)

At an air show.  I loved that she was nursing while sleeping and wearing ear protection!

I loved reading while nursing, and my Kindle made it so much easier!

Watch out, this one is pretty risque! 

In our ERGO at the Smithsonian.

My sister took this beautiful picture of us at the Rife-Loth dam.  No telling how long until it's demolished... :(

Hanging out at my Joe's (my brother) while he, Pop, and Dad worked on the kitchen floor.

Breastfeeding Flash Mob

The Big Latch On

I think at first I was hesitant to take nursing pictures because I didn't want anyone else to see them, but why not?  Everyone knows I breastfeed, so it's not a big mystery.  And I am not exposed in any way, shape or form in any of the pictures.  And these will be so much better for embarrassing her later than naked baby pictures.  I kid, I kid. :)

Breastfeeding Advocacy: Nursing in Public

I will just go ahead and put it out there.  As a breastfeeding advocate my hope is that women will have better access to accurate information about breastfeeding, and that breastfeeding will become normalized and accepted throughout our society.  That's it.  I have no interest in convincing others to breastfeed, in my mind that's not what breastfeeding advocacy is about.  

Last week was World Breastfeeding Week, so I have come across and been involved in many conversations about breastfeeding.  Specifically the question of whether or not breastfeeding in public is appropriate and acceptable.  Opinions range from varying degrees of "yes" to "no, absolutely not".  I was surprised to read a comment on Facebook by someone who didn't think that breastfeeding should ever be done in public.  They thought other people's children should not be exposed to it because then their parent would have to explain to them what they were seeing.  Certainly there are those things that we do not want to expose our children to and have to explain to them early on - I just never considered that breastfeeding would be one of those things.

My mom breastfed us for short periods of time before returning to work.  I have no memory of my younger siblings nursing, though they did.  Witnessing women nursing in public has been infrequent, at best, throughout my life.  The emotions I experience when I see a nursing mother feeding her baby have always been somewhat mixed, but never anything except positive.  There is some level of discomfort in seeing something "out of the ordinary".  Honestly, except for cloth diapering and breastfeeding events I've attended, I might see a woman nursing in public once a month at best.  

Sadly, before I became a mother, I can honestly say that I had seen more horror stories on the news about breastfeeding mothers being kicked out of stores, kicked off planes and otherwise humiliated publicly than I had actually seen women nursing.  I have always found that appalling.  Even before I had my own child I felt that the appropriate time and place for breastfeeding was anytime, anywhere.  

I am and have always been a very modest person.  I was terrified to nurse in public when Addisyn was first born.  I didn't even want to nurse her in the car.  I wanted to be in our house, period.  And while that is partially due to my modesty, and my lack of confidence in my breastfeeding early on, I'm pretty sure that a bigger chunk of the problem was that I was afraid of ending up on the news.  It took me 13 months to become comfortable enough to even attempt nursing in public without a cover.

We live in a society that willingly accepts women's partially exposed breasts are all over magazine covers, television advertisements, movie posters and store displays.  Most uncovered breastfeeding mothers still expose far less than the average copy of GQ or Maxim.  Facebook deleted user breastfeeding pictures and profiles, yet Playboy has their own Facebook page complete with risque photos.  Maybe it's just me, but I would much rather explain to my young child why a woman is breastfeeding her baby than why there are half naked women on magazine covers and Victoria's Secret ads.  

"My mom doesn't want your advice"

"My mom doesn't want your advice."  That's what was written on a onesie that I came across at Target.  Couldn't we all use one (or a few) of these from time to time?  And certainly we could all use the reminder ourselves on occasion.  They didn't have this particular body suit in Addisyn's size, though I was tempted to buy it and convert it into a t-shirt, because that would have fit her.  We're on a budget though, and I'm being a good girl.  Her wearing the shirt might have actually gotten me into trouble too.

This did get me thinking, though, about what we consider to be "advice".  Of course a dictionary will give you one definition, but society has developed its own subjective meanings of words based on everyday usage, and the emotions that the words have come to convey.

To me advice is someone telling you that you should do something.  And of course you may ask what you should do, or they may just tell you.  Then there is a suggestion, which to me is someone telling you what you could do, or could try.  I think that what you yourself would or wouldn't do might fall under this as well.  A referral or a reference may involve the term should, but in my mind the difference between a referral and advice is that when you give advice you are actually telling that person what to do in a given situation, but with a referral you are presenting to them a resource (a book, doctor, etc) where they can go to figure out what their options are and what they want to do for said situation.  Feedback is my personal favorite - I couldn't think of a better term to describe it, but this is when you present someone with your personal experiences - not to tell them what they should or shouldn't try, but simply to let them know what worked and/or what didn't work for you; or "I wish I had known about this", or "I wish I wouldn't have done that".  And then there is just good ol' simple (or not so simple) information.  I wouldn't really categorize this as any of the above, so long as it's not being used to try to convince someone to do something.  Oh, and let's not forget the demand - someone telling you that you have to do something (of course statements like "you have to try this coffee" don't count).

All of these different approaches can be combined in various ways.

Then there is solicited versus unsolicited advice.  Wanted and unwanted advice.  Good and bad advice.  And for me, unsolicited advice and unwanted advice are two different things.  Just because you didn't ask for the advice doesn't mean you don't want or couldn't use the advice.

Personally I find myself (and I think my blog is a shining example) sticking mostly with the feedback, reference, and information.  I may throw in a suggestion every once and a while.  I know that we all give advice (as I define it above) from time to time, but I really don't think that I do often.  I just like to stick to those things that I'm positive that I know about and can speak truthfully about, that I have had experience with, etc, because that makes me more reliable to whoever may need or want something from me.  Ultimately, as with so many things in life, it all comes down to presentation and perception.

What we use, what we don't

With a first baby you need to shop for all of the baby items you will need, and you also tend to think you need every baby item out there - or at least you think you need a lot more baby items than you do.  As is the case with all new parents we have baby items that we use all of the time, then we have baby items that we rarely or never use, and could have done without.  I just wanted to talk about what some of those items are (those used, and those never used) in our household.

A Bedding Set:
This is the item that initially gave me the idea for this post.  We purchased a nice, 3-piece bedding set that included a sheet, quilt, and bumper, from Target.  It was relatively inexpensive as far as baby bedding goes at $60.  The only piece we have ever used is the sheet.  The bumper and the quilt sit in Addisyn's closet, completely unused for safety reasons.  I knew that we wouldn't be using the bumper until she was at least a year old (I believe that is the current recommended age to use a regular bumper if you're going to use one), and putting any kind of blankets, pillows, etc in an infants crib also poses suffocation risk.  If I had it to do over again, we would have just bought a few sheets and skipped the set.

Blankets:
Blankets are extremely useful, but you typically only use one, maybe two, at a time.  From my experience they also tend to be one of the most popular baby gifts, and are often made by crafty family members and friends.  If I had it to do again, I don't think I would have registered for, or bought any blankets myself, at least not until after the baby was born.  We do love our blankets though!  We received 4 beautifully hand-made blankets, and more store-bought blankets than I can count.  We even got a really nice baby blanket from our bank when we opened a savings account for Addisyn!  Receiving blankets are, of course, the exception to this as they can be used for just about anything: blankets, burp clothes, flat diapers (if you're cloth diapering), and can be cut up to use as cloth wipes.  They're like duct tape, 1001 uses! :)


A Good Baby Carrier:
We initially registered for an inexpensive sling-style baby carrier, and received it as a baby shower gift.  That sling ended up being recalled, so we returned it.  We then bought a Moby Wrap carrier.  The Moby was wonderful for the first couple of months - Addisyn would sleep for hours at a time while I did things around the house, ate dinner, watched movies, you name it.  When she got a little older she didn't want to have her head tucked in (to support her head and neck), so we switched to an ERGObaby carrier.  We absolutely LOVE our ERGO!  It is made to hold babies in front, back, and side carrying positions.  Purchasing a baby carrier that meets your needs may require some research as there are so many different styles and types available.  If it is an item that you anticipate using frequently it's definitely worth investing in a high quality carrier (you may have to look in a specialty shop or online) that will be comfortable to wear for several hours.




Cloth Diapers:

We use these all day, every day!  I knew when I was pregnant that I had wanted to cloth diaper, and I didn't realize that there were so many modern options available.  Then I saw the prices... Although we will be saving thousands over using disposables there was definitely some initial sticker shock.  A good, quality cloth diaper generally costs between $15 and $25 depending on the type of diaper, and since I didn't want to be washing diapers every single day we were going to need enough to get us through a few days between washings.  I did quite a bit of research about cloth diapers online, but a lot of it just didn't make any sense to me, and I wanted something I could get my hands on so get a better idea of how they really worked.  We bought our first two cloth diapers from a local boutique just a few weeks before Addisyn was born, and over the next couple of months added more and more to our stash.  If I had it to do again I would have started talking to some people who used cloth diapers earlier in my pregnancy, I would have started stocking up sooner, and I would have found a place where I could register for them.

Crib Entertainment:
We received a very nice crib mobile as a gift.  I loved that it came with a little remote control so that we could turn it off and on without being in the room.  But it's use was pretty short lived.  For the first couple of months Addisyn slept in a bassinet in our room at night and for naps, and we probably got about 3 months of use out of the mobile after that.  It ate through batteries like nobody's business.  Addisyn loved to look at the little animals hanging from it, but when the lights were off the projection feature just wasn't bright enough to keep her attention.  The other issue with a mobile is that it has to come down before a baby can start pulling themselves up, otherwise they may pull it down on themselves.  Just before Addisyn turned 6 months old we invested in a soother that attaches to the side of her crib.  We had been going through a period where she just wasn't sleeping well (teething I expect) and the mobile wasn't cutting it.  We were also preparing to leave for vacation for 2 weeks and the soother was something we could easily take with us.  The Fisher Price Rainforest Soother that we bought plays music and nature sounds, has moving animals and a "moving" waterfall, and there are so many options for which features we want to activate.  Best of all it's still being used because there is not the risk of it being pulled down.  Addisyn also loves that she can press the button to make it play.  The mobile was great, and of course it's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of something in the crib for baby's amusement.  But, if I had it to do again I'd go with just the soother.

Nursing Garments:

Clothing that works well for nursing is very important to a breastfeeding mother, and initially I thought that that meant I had to have clothing that was specifically designed for that purpose.  I have several nursing tops from Motherhood Maternity, a few nursing tank tops, and a few nursing bras.  I have used none of these recently.  In the past couple of months I have discovered that I can nurse more as discreetly and comfortably without a nursing cover and just a tank top underneath of another shirt.  I have found that nursing with clothing that separates up and down (like layered shirts) is far less revealing than most typical nursing tops that separate side to side because my top shirt easily covers and stays where I want it (unless Addisyn moves it).  It is more difficult for me to get the coverage I want with a shirt that opens to the sides.  As soon as I realized that I preferred this I wanted to get more nursing tank tops, but they are pretty expensive - $16 even at Walmart.  But, I have found that regular spaghetti strap tank tops work just as well.  All I have to do is pull down up the shirt I'm wearing, and pull down the top of the tank top.  Far less expensive, and no clasps to deal with as there are on tank tops made for nursing.


I'm sure that there are a few more things that went unused, and many more things that we couldn't, or wouldn't want to live without.  Feel free to add any of your own items and thoughts! :)